I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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