Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this will be a night to untag.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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