I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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