Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
