@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
