that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
