1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
