Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
