I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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