the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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