I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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