if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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