her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
