he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
where does the pee come out of this thing
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
