I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
