why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
