I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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