if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
