Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
