oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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