Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
