I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
