before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
