I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
