can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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