How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
