Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
