Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
