Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
