some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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