Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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