just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just forgot I was standing up.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
