I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
