epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
