just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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