I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she pinky promised me she was 18
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
