hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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