I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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