i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
