i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
