She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
