OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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