So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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