Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
