Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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