I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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