she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
