you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize