Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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