Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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