You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
