Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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