If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
