saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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