wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
