Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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