ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
