Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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