So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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