someone threw a dead crab at me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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