Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if only i could text you this smell
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
