I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize