white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
