When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
