Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
