they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
