dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
