How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
