somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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