I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
