period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She bit a glass in half.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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