does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
