I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
