R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
