Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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