I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't deserve a penis
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
