woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
