so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
